Lust

its 4am..
im layin starin at the ceiling.it could be space.it wouldnt make a difference right now.
i told myself once that i would never sleep in another womans bed..

:6 months earlier

its 1am..
i had a few bucks to spare,and i worked my ass off these past 2 weeks.so why the fuck not rye?after she finished with her conference call,i made a quick text on her phone.she said she had 10 on it.bet.i love a woman willing to add on.

its 2am..
my eyes are glazed.so are hers.and these cartoons aren't as funny as they were 30 minutes ago.

".....yo...."

"yea..im sleepy too.you can sleep in here with me if you want.i know that couch in the other room is hard"

*this is the moment.where my gut turns over and im on the brink of making a good decision,and a stupid one.now,this good decision is not a pleasing one.it doesnt entice.as a matter of fact its like being offered veggies as a toddler.however,the good decision will ultimately empower me.this i know.the stupid decision however,is caked in instant satisfaction.i mean,its oozing it.every fiber in my lower half is screaming at me lay down with her,even though i know how this will go..*

"......which side of the bed u sleep on?"

*....fuck..

its 3am..
im high..no...im high.we both high,but i know im higher than her.we dont breathe the same.she was laughing for 30 minutes in bed at every joke i cracked,lol.her roomate banged on the wall and asked us to shut up lik 2wice.it made us laugh harder.

its 3:30am..
i roll over.grab her waist.pull her closer.she doesn't budge at first.then she scoots.whispering in her ear.rubbing her unprivate places.reading her body language.none of this i ever remember,cuz i dont practice.its a thing i got from my pop.

"sweet nothings"

".....no Nate....its just not right...."

"....."

i say nothing..because she's right...something isn't right.i dont love her..not like how i should..its misplaced.the kinda love that dissappears after im satisfied..after she's satisfied.and this is a dangerous game because some people never get satisfied.it cld be 3:30am evry nght for the rest of my natural born.and we both want love...right?..this thing that we're fooling with is....its not right.im taking from her something she cant give to her husband.depriving myself of...who the fuck really knows.i just know at this stage,im responsible for myself.every desire.every decision.and i want to grow to be the type of man that is not a slave to his desires...
im going to apologize to her in the morning....

and i do love her..for having the strength to suggest the error in our ways,when i didnt..

its 4am..
im layin starin at the ceiling.it could be space.it wouldnt make a difference right now.
im never sleeping in another womans bed.if i stay out these fly ass situations ill be an iller cat.
and more taken when i lay down with her....